Interview with a PA – Todd Tells All

People have been asking me a lot about Todd lately, the star of The Supervillain’s Assistant stories, and wanting to know more about him. So for that one person, I mean, those people, we caught up with Todd on his lunchbreak and asked him a few questions:

Interviewer- Hi Todd.

Todd – Who are you?

I – I’m here to interview you about your job, how you came to be here etc.

T- Sounds dull.

I –  We don’t think so.

T  – To each his own I suppose.

I – Right, let’s just start shall we. How did you end up working for a supervillain?

T – I saw the advert and applied. That’s about it really.

I – … You’re not really giving me much here. So, an advert. But you quickly figured out what he was?

T – The bank robberies gave it away.

I – But you stayed working for him.

T – Not as dull as my last job and better pay.

I – And that’s why you work for a supervillain, because you want more money and holiday.

T – Who doesn’t?

I – Don’t you have moral issues about the bad things he does?

T – Well, it’s not like he actually pulls off any of his grand evil plans is it. Most of the time, the only victim is him.

I – Are you not worried that one day he will manage to pull off one of his evil plans?

T – Yesterday he got his cape stuck in the photocopier. The day before he hid in his office because a group of Brownies had looked at him funny in the park and he was sure they were after him. Last week, he got caught trying to steal a bag of crisps for the canteen in his own building – he cried for two hours after the kitchen manager yelled at him.

I – That’s a no then. Why don’t we stick to talking about you. What did you want to be when you were younger?

T – An accountant.

I – Seriously?

T – Why not?

I – You’re a man of few words aren’t you.

T – Yes.

(Interviewer smacks head against the clipboard.)

I – Come on, give me something to work with here!

T – How about I tell you about a plot the Boss has to get back at someone. A plot he is planning on carrying out soon?

I – Finally, that would be brilliant. I could be on the scene!

T – Well, it all started about a year ago when this person wrote an article about him.

I – Okay, journalist then.

T – They said he was a joke and was no more of a threat to mankind than an angry duck and his walk resembled one.

I – Hold on…

T – They also went on to say that Fantastic Man hadn’t caught him yet purely because he felt sorry for him.

I – I think perhaps I better…why can’t I stand up?

T – What’s wrong?

I – I wrote that and you know it. Let me out of here. What have you done?

T – An ingenious device beneath the chair that emits a powerful electrical impulse that messes with your nervous system and stops you from being able to send signals to our limbs.

I – I think I’m going to…. (passes out).

Boss – Todd?

T – Yes Boss?

B – I thought we put superglue on the chair?

T – We did, but I thought that would sound more impressive.

B – Good thinking. But also, get Knowbodee working on a device like the one you described, I like the sound of it.

T – What do we do with him now?

B – We’re going to put him in a duck costume and sit him outside the Houses of Parliament.

T – …of course we are. (Walks off muttering). I’m wasted here.